It's about time, right? What took him so long?? Everyone knew that already, so what was he waiting for?
I just read a Washington Post article that detailed a 2008 study showing that both gay and straight people are very good at guessing sexual orientation. People correctly guessed 87% of the time when shown videos of straight people and 75% of the time with videos of gay people. My own gaydar has never resembled a spinning weathervane when considering Ricky Martin, but apparently I'm in the minority.
Speculation has been wild and sporadic over the years, certainly fed by Ricky's declining to answer Barbara Walters' needling questions in an infamous interview in 2000, which Walters now regrets. The persistence of the rumors alone was enough to make some believe them. Certainly people were more than ready to hear him confess that the rumors were true. So why did he wait ten years after evading Walters' question on national television?
As I came out to friends and family over several years, various people tried to make it safe for me to do so. Some cracked the door open just enough for a little light to enter, while others tried to reach in and pull me out. A dear friend invited me to a dinner party, adding, "You can bring anyone you want - ANYONE." A co-worker made reference to going downtown, dramatically winking with a knowing glance. Another co-worker noted the rainbow on my birthday cake and said, "Mark likes rainbows - RIGHT, MARK?"
My sister in-law, after the fact, told me she had wondered and had wanted to just ask me point-blank, but my brother had advised her to hold her question. Whether he was offering wise advice or simply exercising our family's talent for avoiding uncomfortable issues, he was right; depending on when she had considered asking me, I would have either denied it or become paralyzed and speechless with mortification.
In the years immediately preceding my coming out, I had been deeply involved with an "ex-gay" ministry (in fact, I was in leadership) and considered myself fundamentally straight. I was not ready to come out even to myself. And the years immediately following my coming out were uncertain and a little scary. I was in my 30s, and it was tricky navigating such a total change in my life. Coming out to others was a slow, gradual process and depended on my relationship to each person I told.
The right time for me to have come out was not when everyone was ready to hear it; it was when I was ready to tell them.
Ricky Martin was not ready to tell the world in 2000, or at any time during the next ten years. Ricky Martin was ready last week. Yes, it might seem like "finally" to the rest of us. But when he came out on his blog, he was able to do so with dignity, grace, and pride, on his own terms. And that is what I'm celebrating.
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