Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Ski West, Young Man!

I've finally been skiing in the West. Not only that, but in Utah, where the snow is supposed to be the best (according to friends in Utah and confirmed by still sober folks in the hot tub).

After a rather dubious start on the Chickadee beginner run (there are no bunny slopes at Snowbird), I got my sea legs back - twenty years after my last ski trip - and began enjoying myself. A few inches of fresh snow had fallen the night before, the air was pristine, the evergreens and mountains majestic around me, and traffic on the
mountain light, being a Tuesday. Many times I had a run almost all to myself.

My plan to confront potential altitude sickness, beyond obtaining a pre-trip scrip for acetazolamide, was to take chair lifts to increasingly higher elevations and possibly end the day by reaching 10,000 feet with a breathtaking view - hopefully speaking figuratively - of the valley below. The base at Snowbird is around 7900 feet, so I started with lifts that got me to 8400 and 8600 feet.

At some point the fog started rolling in - or, as I saw it, the clouds began dropping down. During one specific stretch of the run it felt like it was raining. Visibility dwindled to 30 or 40 yards. At that point, skiing was difficult but not dangerous, as I could see just enough to complete the next couple turns.

After lunch I took a lift that got me to 9200 feet and an intermediate run called Bassackwards. It was quite challenging, but I did all right, especially considering the worsening conditions. It was now snowing and accumulating quickly.

The afternoon was waning, though, and I had a few more runs on my agenda, so I got on the Gadzoom High-Speed Quad chair lift and reached 9700 feet. My plan was to take Bassackwards all the way down, get on the Gadzoom lift again, ski halfway down, and get on the mid-slope lift that would take me up to 9800 feet, and ski down across the mountain back to Snowbird Center. Then I would end the day by taking the Peruvian Express High-Speed Quad up to 10,500 feet and skiing down Chip's Run back to Cliff Lodge, where we were staying.

That didn't happen. As soon as I got off Gadzoom I could tell conditions had seriously deteriorated. Wet snow fell heavily, ice pellets battered my face as I skied, forcing me to stop, and my wet glasses cut my visibility even more. Not only that, but they suddenly developed a fogging problem that would not go away. Wiping them only helped until I put them back on my face, when they immediately fogged up again. I had no choice but to take them off and put them away.

Now everything was out of focus, but at least I didn't have to fight fog on top of the mist and snow.

Looking up the run, I could hear voices but couldn't tell where they were coming from... until people materialized from the mist. Looking down, skiers traversed the run and then disappeared. "Wait!" I wanted to shout, but they were gone, and though I waited, no one else came after them.

I wondered if I were the last one left on the run.

With no other choice, I skied down into the blurry whiteout and quickly encountered a new problem: snow flying directly into my eyes. Though it forced me to blink rapidly, I kept going, gaining a sense of what it must be like to ski blind.

I became disoriented, as the ground and air became one, all the same whiteness and mist. With no depth perception and no other people in front of me, I couldn't judge the slope of the ground, couldn't tell where anything was, couldn't make the split second adjustments necessary for successful turning, and I lost control and fell repeatedly.

It was no longer fun.

All I wanted was to get to the bottom, get on the shuttle back to Cliff Lodge, and get out of my wet clothes. But it seemed I would never get to the bottom, since I couldn't see it. Nevertheless, I knew I would be closer with every turn, and I blinked hard against the wet snow, straining to focus on keeping my weight forward and carving turns (or at least skidding) aggressively, while praying no trees would suddenly appear in front of me, like goblins in a fun house ride.

Eventually the lifts emerged at the bottom, and I relaxed. The chairs hadn't even stopped for the day yet, and yes, unbelievably, some intrepid skiers were riding back up for one last run. I shared a shuttle ride with two guys from New Orleans, one of whom had never skied before and who had twisted an ankle at the end of the day. And I was worried about fogged up glasses?

Later, sitting in the hot tub while kids played in the pool, all of us in the middle of what Washington would call a "blizzard," I noticed that snow was piling up on the heads of my tubmates. And while it had been quite an afternoon, and while it seemed crazy to go right back outside into the same weather, only this time in just a swimsuit, I had friendly conversation around me, the spa jets warmed my body in no time, and all my worries of the day evaporated as quickly as those skiers disappearing down the slopes in front of me, chatting unconcerned to each other, as friends do.

Photos: (1) Beautiful weather on March 8; (2) Clouds dropping on the Peruvian Express Quad Lift (10K feet) on March 9; (3) Decreasing visibility at the top of a run; (4) Looking up the mountain, three skiiers (center) emerge from the mist. This is how it looked facing downhill, too. (Funny how a dangerous situation always presents a good photo op.)

Monday, March 8, 2010

Mom, I've Found Her!

I've found the perfect girl! She's cute, intelligent, driven, passionate, has a good heart and beautiful smile, and can light up a room with her laugh. She's taken more than one leadership role at church after being around only a couple years. She listens well, is compassionate, and cares about her family and friends. She's fit and loves frozen yogurt. Any guy would jump at the chance to snap her up.

There's just one problem: what would her boyfriend say?

Or, more to the point, what would mine?*

R and I had the beginnings of a great relationship - lunches, plans to discuss great literature, heart-to-hearts at Mr. Yogato - until what's-his-name came along. I'm not jealous, exactly... I just miss spending time with her. Under different circumstances (for instance, if I were straight), I would definitely pursue something more meaningful with her - although under those same circumstances I might be considered a dirty old man, since I am technically old enough to be her father. Indeed, maybe the love I feel for her is in a way paternal (which would explain the urge I've had to meet this boy she is dating and see if I think he is good enough for her).

But I suspect that a kernel of what I feel for R is the same kind of thing a lot of gay men have felt for women they married (and eventually divorced). I've known many such men who felt it was just the next thing they needed to do in life, who felt pressured by society and family or maybe the woman in question, or who thought perhaps it was the way to escape bothersome, frightening urges they didn't want to have.

I am just happy that I don't bring any of that to my friendship with R, that I have been through the self-discovery and process of coming out of shame that is necessary for reaching a point of happiness and yes, pride, at being gay, so that no confusion entwines itself around the interaction we have as friends.

Gay men have had a long history with straight women (though the women may not have realized it). Will and Grace. The hapless gay guy and sharp-tongued gal pal in most gay comedies. Rock Hudson and Doris Day. In my own life, I have a long list of close female friends who have sustained me over the decades, and who continue to do so.

It is such a blessing to have had such wonderful and unique friends, to be able to relate to women in a way that straight men cannot, and to be the kind of man a woman can feel completely comfortable with, in a way that she cannot, or does not often, feel with a straight man. Sometimes what a guy needs is a person who is Other, and fellow men, whether gay or straight, cannot fill this role (although straight men sometimes seem enough like interplanetary travelers that they might come close).

Even though I will never marry R - and wish her all the very best in her budding relationship - I will enjoy our continuing friendship and the realization that I finally found the woman I would, in another life, take home to meet Mom.

* (if I had one)