...but Now I See

As I left church today, a woman was sitting outside the door.  I braced myself for what would surely be a request for money.  "Sir," she said as I walked past her quickly, "please buy me something to eat."  My reflexes spit out all the usual responses in my mind:

• You can't help everyone who asks.  (Last night, three people asked me for money, all within as many blocks of the same street.)
• They only want alcohol.
• It will only encourage them to return and make it their post.

But as I continued on my way, her words echoed in my mind: "Please buy me something to eat."  And I heard sincere desperation in her tone.  This was honestly the first time in 30 years of living in DC that someone had asked me for food rather than money.  She was not after alcohol, and she wasn't trying to scam me; she was hungry, plain and simple.  And this wasn't the kind of hunger that makes you blurt out happily, "I'm starving!" on the way to the restaurant on 14th Street that's the new hot place for brunch.  This was the kind of aching, gnawing, all-consuming hunger that is not satisfied on a consistent basis.  We all know what it's like to be hungry, but we also know that it is within our own power and usually timing to ameliorate it.

This was something I could do, and easily.  I was headed to Whole Foods, anyway.  Heck, it didn't even have to be a sacrifice, since I could buy this woman lunch and eat what I had at home instead.  I weighed the time required to walk back and tell her, against the time it would take to just keep going and return.  Even if I asked her to wait, there was no guarantee she would believe me and stay...so I picked up my pace and kept going.

In Acts 9, after seeing the Lord on the road to Damascus, "something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again."  As I neared Whole Foods, I suddenly saw things more clearly.  That I had just bought a lemon-ginger dark chocolate bar for myself, on a whim.  That I was going to Whole Foods to buy white birch firewood because it burns better than standard hardwood in the fireplace in my "luxury condo."  That I could buy lunch for someone else and not even think twice about the cost, and that I would be doing so instead of going to a nice restaurant for brunch with friends - as I did almost every Sunday, again, without even considering what I might spend.  I was astounded and excited in my reset perspective and worried about getting back to church before the woman left.

Unfortunately, she had, by the time I got back.  I shoulda, shoulda, shoulda...and now I have a sandwich and drink for tomorrow.  Sometimes you just have to act rather than overthinking it, to do as the Spirit moves you.  Damn this need to analyze and be sure all the time!

I will hope and pray she returns next week, and if she does, God help me, I won't hesitate this time.